Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
