Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
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