Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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