I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
