Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I party with great urgency now.
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