shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
