I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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