we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
