What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
