doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
