We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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