I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They took my balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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