woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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