you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
