I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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