And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
