If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My penis needs a shock collar
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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