I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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