There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
