i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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