I think i sorta joined a cult last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
