I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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