Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
