Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
