can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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