I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
