so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize