You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
