you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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