do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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