My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
