Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
