oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need water and some morals
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
