Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
