Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
