Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
