i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
