You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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