i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
