Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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