I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
