didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize