I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
