Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i think my cat just said my name.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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