Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
