you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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