i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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