$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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