I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
