Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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