you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
