tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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