Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have post one night stand depression
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
