Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
