its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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