Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
