I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my shit smells like andre
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
