i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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