Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
