I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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