I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
