I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
