No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
