Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Enjoy the penises
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
