Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
