So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
