My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
