i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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