we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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