Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
