I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We need a shit load of segways right now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
where are my eyebrows?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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