Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
