It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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