Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
